MY THINGS, gratitude, day 28

I am so grateful for my car. I know that in the spirit of gratitude this month I have really been pushing the idea of  being grateful for things beyond our possessions and for the deeper intention of living from a place of bigger perspective. But that doesn't exclude the importance of being appreciative for the little things that make our life easier, ESPECIALLY when so many other people have so few of these amenities. An abundant life will experience seasons of ease and discomfort and I hope that we can all realize that there is certainly a great merit that comes with living in gratitude for the things that we have. Being grateful creates a certain sense of being responsible with the stewardship to which you have been appointed. Taking care of your possessions is a good practice for how you will take care of other people's possessions and for how you will handle bigger responsibilities of stewardship in your relationships and careers. But here is the sticky balancing act we face: We must care enough about our things to be good masters of our domain but we must also make peace with  being flexible with the flow of these amenities in and out of our lives. Balance comes in being able to appreciate the presence of material stuff in our lives and then to continue to live in gratitude and serenity when they show their fleeting colors and disperse. I can appreciate my material blessings without clinging to them as my source of identity or joy. It is in the times when I forget that my possessions are just things that I feel my vision darken with the struggle that comes from  desperately trying to maintain those things before maintaining my relationships. It is a priority issue. People are more important than things. Our spiritual lives are more tangible then our material experiences. And at the end of the day, you can't take any of it with you. As Seinfeld said, "It all goes back in the box".  Because my friends, this much is evident: this world is ready to strap on as many "things"to your back as you will allow and it will bloat your belly with its stuffings until you scream "no more!". It will celebrate your consumerism and pat you on the back for supporting its materialism and  then it will feign  surprise when your knees begin to buckle under the burden your bear. But it will not stop to pick you  up when you fall and its parade will continue to march on without you. It is the wealth of our relationships that will bring solace and comfort when the merriment of material musings are no more. Who are your friends? And how much have you invested in them? I ask myself this same question and I know that i must spend more time on people then on collecting things. Things will not hold my hand at the sunset of my day or of my life. People are the treasures worth investment. So yes, I am grateful for my car. It is cute, it is sporty, it is fun, it gets me where I need to go. But I didn't always have it and I did just fine. I can think of several people who were with me before the cute car and who will love me when it is gone. And THAT makes me very grateful.

SAYING "NO" , gratitude, day 25

Today I'm grateful for the right to choose and the right to say "no". As a woman and a recovering perfectionist my instinct has always been and still is to say, "yes" to every opportunity and project and to pile onto my proverbial plate much more then I should ever possibly juggle at one time. It has always been my mod us operand to take on more tasks, jobs, projects, goals, etc., then THREE of me should try to maneuver and then to smile, through gritted teeth, and say, "Please sir, may I have some more?" (That was an old Oliver Twist reference for anyone with a musical theatre bone in their body :) ). And the amazing thing is that somehow I always survive the stressful seasons and look back and marvel at how unscathed I am. BUT, (this is gonna be a HUGE but), there is no possible way avoid the consequences of taking on too much.  The consequences often don't reveal themselves as directly affecting you. If you are a life long multi-tasker like me then you know that it is the people around you who suffer the consequences of your limited resources of time and energy. It is the people who love us who get burned by our burn outs. I admit that I have been a part of many a conversation with a loved one where I was asked to please get my head out of the sand and to realize that my relationship with them was drowning. Sometimes I listened, sometimes I didn't.  My first marriage fell apart for several reasons but my jet-setter mentality certainly did nothing to mend the problems we faced.  I see now that if you are always running the rat race then it is friends and family who, if they continue to stick around, feel the sting of  always seeing you exhausted, tired, run-down, and drained.  Many a marriage has dissolved, in part, because one or two of the partners became more married to their work then to each other. And you know the funny thing? Nobody on their death bed is going to wish they had spent more hours in the office, making more money, or gaining more notoriety in the public eye. Investing in each other is the most important part of this journey.  No one can put a price on how truly valuable the time we spend with each other is.  Family, friends, community,...these are truly priceless treasures. I see that more clearly all of the time. And so I am very slowly working on learning how to flex my "no" muscles when I become starry-eyed at the next capital venture I see glimmering before me.  No man is an island and every time I throw myself into a project I recognize that I am making a choice that directly affects every relationship in my life.  I am certainly not advocating that I, or anyone else for that matter, stop working hard to create a better financial situation for themselves or to see passions and dreams realized. But I am suggesting that because we only have a certain amount of time and energy to invest that we, like any good broker, consider spending  more time developing investment portfolios that will reap eternal dividends.

DIFFERENCES, gratitude, day 24, HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

I'm so glad that you aren't like me. I'm so relieved that I am not surrounded by a community of people who look just  like me, talk just like me, think just like me, or have the same history. I've been with me for enough years to be slightly bored with the idea of spending more time focusing on just me! Not that I don't love myself and appreciate myself; this entire month has been a gratitude exploration of celebrating just how amazing my life really is. I am excited to continue to grow in the ultimate revelation and expression of what my greatest life story can possibly be. HOWEVER, there is so much to be learned and gained from embracing the wisdom, humor, perspective, lessons, burdens, joys, and insights of other people. Here is an interesting test: the next time you are in conversation with another person, take note of how many times you use the word "I". Begin to notice how much of a conversation you spend discussing yourself. And then dare to spend an entire conversation NOT allowing a single reference using the word "I". You might be stunned, as I am, by how much time we spend talking about ourselves. Again, I hope you understand that I'm not advocating you deny your own importance. What I am spearheading here is the idea that there is deep value in investing interest beyond yourself  and into the minds and thoughts and experiences of other people. I am in the process of actively learning that  by becoming more interested in others I actually learn more about myself. By truly listening to other people I gather valuable insights for navigating my own journey. And by turning the focus off of me and onto others I enable shared growth, learning, and community.

We are all so different. No matter how put together we may seem, we all have endured heartache and pain. We all have stories to tell and a unique perspective on the shared room that is life. We are all living here together but we all see something slightly different based on the baggage that is strapped to our backs. Appreciating that everyone is carrying a load that may be heavier or lighter then mine enables me to restrain judgement and extend grace to situations that I don't understand. Recognizing that everybody's story carries within it joy and sorrow and humor allows me to shift focus to understanding others before rushing to prove my own validity and importance. My opinions are strong but not always right. Sometimes I'm wrong. Sometimes my input is not the most valuable in the room. Sometimes I greatly benefit from biting my tongue, being quiet, and allowing others to take the stage. I learn the most when I am silent. I become heard in the conversations where I'm actively listening. And I shine the most when I'm putting the spotlight on others.  The beauty of our differences creates a wonderful tapestry. There is a time to focus on me, but there is just as much, if not more, good to be gained by celebrating others.

MOM, gratitude, day 23

My memories of childhood include my mom taking me to the library, reading with me on the couch, quizzing me in my knowledge of the multiplication tables on the way to school, picking my brother and I up with freshly cut fruit to snack on, making sure i didn't watch too much TV over the summer, bringing me cod liver oil and vitamins in the morning, encouraging me to read the Bible, tucking me into bed with a nightly tradition of brushing my hair and a routine of questions from yours truly that she would patiently answer (including, but not limited to, "is there anything under the bed?", "is the window locked?", "what time do I have to get up?"), along with a host of other holistic and spiritually centered rituals and routines. My mom engrained in me the importance of faith and health from an extremely early age,...perhaps that is part of the reason I'm a Pilates trainer.

And my mother was no hypocrite. She practiced what she preached and boy!, as I entered the idiocy stage that is also known as being a teenager, my mother seemed to preach a lot!!! :) All of the well intentioned efforts and loving contributions into my life that had been sweet and comforting as a child became burdensome and annoying during those teenage years. My dear mother suffered many an undeserved snide comment or dismissal from me as I stubbornly adopted the common teenage assumption that my mother had lost her mind and was intent on running my life with an insane controlling agenda.  During those years there was a lot of huffing and puffing on my part, several slammed doors, many a loud outburst, and a shameful amount of ungrateful and selfish ignoring.  And yet, if I am to be honest,....even though I kicked and screamed through those years of painful parenting, there was always a small part of me that still recognized the love that was at the heart of her pleas. I always knew that she loved me. And although it was accompanied by much resistance, I almost always found myself obeying her wishes and following the course she dictated. Such was the result of the earlier years of investment and time that she had spent proving her love and affection for me. The result of her loving investments during the years when I was young enough to soak it up  hungrily and without question afforded her the knowledge that her parenting in later, more challenging years, would pay off. Take note! The seed of love always produces fruit if it is watered and nurtured. Although you may not be the one to bear witness to the results, take heart in the knowledge that love melts the hardest heart and it never fails to make a difference.

Of course in later years, as the realities of young adulthood set in, my perspective again changed. As the college years came to a close and my life was rocked by the end of my first marraige I had the opportunity to reconnect with my parents. Under those grim circumstances I took up residence with my folks. I once again found myself butting heads with my mother but soon found the blows waning. Because with the growing horror that came in realizing that we were basically cut from the same grain and that I was, despite my best rebuttals and denials, the spitting image of my mother in almost every way that counted, I began to reconsider her intelligence and the idea that maybe I hadn't been right ALL of the time ALL of those years. Maybe she knew what she had been doing all those rocky years. And maybe she was really a very cool lady. :) In part I'm jesting. However  there is nothing like realizing you are exactly like your mother to begin to show you that she is not only a parent with the authority to ruin your Saturday nights but is also a human being just like you; another woman who used to be a girl who is doing her best to figure out her own journey here on earth.

Nowadays I will tell anyone who will hear me that I adore my mother. I now recognize with increasing conviction that she is an amazing diamond cut from the rough. The love that shines brilliantly through her is inspiring, comforting, and endearing. I love Gloria Ruth Ivy for the mother that she was to me all of the years of my life and for the virtuous, silly, tender, hard working, patient, and loyal friend and woman that she is apart from that parental identity. She is one of my life's role models. She is, to me, the ideal mother. And she is, without a doubt, my favorite lady. God gave me one of the greatest blessings in the world when He allowed me to be the daughter to this amazing woman.  Any  beauty and love and light that flow through me are in large part a reflection of the love that she invested in me for all of those years. From Mommy & Me piano lessons to verbal brawls in the hall to being the shoulder I wept on when my marriage dissolved, my mother has always been present. She allowed me a carefree childhood, she tightened the reigns on my bridle when my teenage vision was reckless and uncertain, and she carried my heart through tragedy with the hours she spent in prayer on her knees.  I love you, Mom. You are my gratitude today and every day. 

MY SISTER, gratitude, day 22

When I first met her I wasn't quite sure what I thought of her...i took note that she was a tall, pretty blonde who although she was dating my brother seemed unfazed by my opinions and wasn't bending backwards to impress me...hmmmm....over time and to my surprise she stuck around and  I started noticing her tireless work ethic, her business savvy, her go getter approach to life, her sense of integrity, her ridiculous talents as a performer, an increasingly obvious wacky sense of humor, and most importantly and to my amazement, she seemed to understand my brother and loved him beyond all reasonable doubt. So then I decided I liked her. But I knew I loved her when I realized that she was the sister I had been waiting for my entire life. Tina has so much love and good will in her heart. She cares about making a difference in people's lives. And she and my brother make a sickeningly sweet pair of nuts. She is an angel to my brother and a source of peace. She is beautiful, precious, and one of the greatest blessings in our family. Together, I have no doubt, that my brother and her will bring more beauty and love into this world. I am so grateful to finally have a sister in my life with whom to grow and love and live and share experiences. I am eager for more coffee dates, more shared laughter, more times spent doing nothing and talking about everything. I love my sister. I love you, Tina.

CHILDREN, gratitude, day 20

For those of you who have known me for a while, you might think that this is a slightly odd gratitude for me to be posting. My stance on having children still currently stands that I can't imagine not having children but I can't imagine having them now. My mother set the bar pretty high on what being a good mother looks like and I'm not yet quite ready to be that unselfish. But that doesn't mean I am not becoming increasing aware of how much children put EVERYTHING into perspective. They remind us that life is pretty darn funny and that most things aren't worth the worry and anxiety that we attach to them.They force us to look beyond our own egos and to look after the well being of others. They demand that we keep or, as the case may be, find, our sense of humor and regain a sense of silly play.  Just last night I was at Medieval Times celebrating my father's birthday and I had such a blast giving myself the permission to scream and holler and cheer for the knight that was upholding the honor of the color of our seated section that was coordinated with his outfit and most clearly represented by the paper crowns we all wore proudly.  And man! I had so much fun laughing at myself last night. Giving myself permission to play make believe is a joy and a freedom that we know as children  and often slowly exchange for an idea of what being a "grown up" should look like. Unfortunately we often succumb to the adulthood schedule that is accompanied by a loss of play, an addition of superimposed fears and rules, and a general loss of perspective on the importance of fun.  Children force us to get silly, to forget our ridiculous egos, to have fun, to love, to enjoy innocence, and to laugh at life and ourselves. And isn't that what the best moments in life look like? Shared laughter in the presence of love is my favorite recipe. So today I will celebrate children, because despite my chagrin at the messes they make, the tantrums they throw, and the general upheaval of any sense of normalcy in life, the whirlwind they bring forces the creation of the space we need in order to find the best parts of ourselves.

DAD, gratitude, day 19

My Dad's birthday is this weekend and its the most fitting time to hold him in remembrance, celebration, and gratitude. But although its the most obvious time to recognize a man who has endured the marathon of parenting two intense children and is still married after over thirty years,  its not his birthday that has me thankful for him today. I'm grateful for his quiet commitment to keeping his head up high over the years no matter what dark season he was facing and I'm grateful that he allowed my brother and I the luxury of not knowing the sting of struggle as he allowed us to grow up in a warm home with full bellies and peaceful minds.  He placed no dissuasion upon us  when it came to our decisions to pursue creative professions and he allowed us to make those decisions freely. There was a time when i wished that he would have put more input into my life regarding some of my big life decisions but God knew better. He knew, and maybe my Dad did too, that such an insertion of authority would never have worked with a mule headed girl like me. God knew that my Dad would make the deepest contribution to my life by allowing my choices to run their course and by being ready to welcome me with open arms when I was ready to come back home. Thanks, Dad for letting me have my room back. And thanks for the silly welcome home sign that was waiting for me when I stepped back into that room after so many years. You may never know how much that sign meant to me at a time when nothing made sense and the only thing I felt was cold anger and sadness. That sign was amazing. So are you...

You know, its a funny role reversal experience to watch your parents age. For a very long time my Dad was one of the two imposing figures standing between me and freedom. But with time I'm seeing more and more of the little boy who is still at the heart of who my Dad is.  With my own adulthood I can now more clearly see how my Dad has always done the best he could with the knowledge he had. And who can possibly do better then that?!?!

Dad, thank you for all the love and all the silliness and all the careful consideration. I'm blessed to have you in my life, Dad.  Every time you refill my coffee mug and decorate the sugar plate with a carefully folded napkin I hear you saying, "I love you." Every time you see me struggling to carry an enormous load and you force me to let you carry more then you should I hear, "I love you". And every time you demand I, "pay the toll" with a kiss in the hall I hear, "I love you".  Thank you, Dad for all the "I love yous". They mean more and more to me. I love you so very much. I love seeing you laugh. I love hearing joy in your voice. I get a kick watching you get a kick out of something. And between your corny jokes and ridiculous impersonations I am getting a clearer picture of the little boy that's still inside of you and I love that kid so much. He's one of the people I get the most excited to see and I hope he will come out to play more often. I love you, Big Bird. Happy Birthday. Today I am grateful for you.

MY BROTHER, gratitude, day 18

He is the Animated Starfish to my Great Manatee. He is the Waldorf to my Statler. He is the Tom to my Sue. He is the Sci-Fi Melon to my Brave Little Toaster. These childhood names and inside jokes are treasures between me and my hero who kept me safe from bullies on the kindergarten playground so many moons ago. He has witnessed me in every shade of light and darkness since we were children and has been the brunt of many of my tantrums, a plethora of my whining, a barrel full of my yelling, and a bushel of my anger. But so is the lot of an older brother...On the other hand, he has also been at the center of a growing affection, love, and respect for just as many years. And as the childhood fights dissipated with the awareness that age and time brings, what has remained and continues to grow is a tender and deeply rooted love that bonds us in a singular connection unshared with any other friend or spouse or boyfriend or acquaintance. The love of a brother and sister is an uncanny thing. They know you at your worst but they still adore you at your best. My brother is one of the rocks of love in my life. He can always make me laugh and he allows me to feel safe enough to cry. I love him so much, Thank you God for giving me a brother. Through the years, the fights, the marriages, the disappointments, the surprises, the victories, the tragedies....he's always been there. Sometimes in the background, hidden amongst the distractions of a busy and hectic life, but always there. I love you, David Thomas Ivy. Thank you for loving me too. Not every sibling has the kind of close honest friendship and love that we share. I'm so grateful for you. You are a good egg, and I'll stand up for you on the playground any day.

MY BEAUTIFUL BODY, gratitude: day 4

Wow, that sounds pretty obnoxious and conceited, right? :) But my body IS beautiful!!! I've got two arms and two legs that both do what I ask them to do, my eyes and ears and mouth and mind all work in harmony, and my biggest concerns when it comes to my physical health these days is whether or not I like the way I look in my jeans. So many many people dont have that luxury. Just like a car that we dont truly appreciate until it breaks down, our body is a miraculous gift that functions and obeys our demands day in and day out with so much seeming ease that it is easy to forget how precious our health and mobility truly is until we dont have it.

I remember a season in my life, you know...one of those dark and sad and angry seasons where we justify our right to stew and marinate in our own ugly well of self-righteous depression and complicated emotions....and in this season I took up smoking. I never embraced it wholeheartedly, but I did use it to fill some very jagged tears and holes in my heart for a while. And I will tell you what made me stop...One day I was driving home from teaching dance, I was enjoying a smoke, and I saw a small, hunched over frame shuffling down the street. It was an old woman, her back permanently deformed into a small hunch back, and with great effort she slowly traveled as her whole body seemed weighted down into each tiny slow step she took. I saw how hard her load was and marveled at how blessed I was to be able to move my body freely and with ease. As I was mulling and sympathizing over the chasm of difference between my body's beautiful physical ability in juxtaposition to her restricted state I thanked God for the gift of this miracle body that could do so much and asked for so little. And right then, as smoke fumes filled my nostrils, I was hit with the overwhelming awareness of the hypocrisy of my state. Here I was, living in this amazing temple of physical blessings and yet I was slowly destroying it with every puff. I knew that one cigerette would not kill me, but in the greater sense I was keenly aware that as I was thanking God with my mouth I was tearing down the integrity of his gift with my actions. No one likes a liar and I decided that I wasn't going to lie to myself or to my clients or to the world as a hypocrite. I decided that day to consciously live in true gratitude with my body. I realized that my body would one day, like everything else, deteriorate, and that it was my responsibility to uphold and preserve and encourage the miracle that I had been given for as many days, weeks, months, or years that it was mine to steward. Every day is full of little choices to either build our body up or tear it down and whether it is smoking, or drinking, or over indulging in any matter of things, we have one body and we cant exchange it for a new one if we destroy the one we've got.

So yes, my body is beautiful. And so is yours! Even if you are suffering from an ailment or a physical handicap, your body is STILL a gift. Every day is an opportunity to take care of it, to nourish it, to move it, to thank the Creator who gave it to you by using it wisely and with loving intention. Your body is your transportation vehicle and although we might not all be driving through life in BMWs or Mercedes, if you have a body that moves, you are blessed. And regardless of its state, you are worthy. You are valid. You are important. And as part of who you are, although it is NOT who you are, your body is a gift that you have the opportunity and responsibility to cherish. So love it, enjoy it, and respect it. Today is a new day and a chance to see EVERYTHING with new eyes. Seize the opportunity to love yourself a little bit better today because we are never promised tomorrow. Today I choose to love this body, no matter what the scale says! I hope you will too.