More Than Words

"How are you doing?" is a phrase that we hear and repeat countless times. This is one of the most asked   questions with one of the most dismissed answers encountered on a daily basis. We have all been guilty of using this colloquium as an ice-breaker to start a conversation. I must admit that there have been times that I have asked the question without expecting honest and full disclosure.  And yet how many times have we all felt the sting of wanting to scream out the answer when nobody was asking and, worse yet, when we were being asked the words without any intention behind it. To dismiss the weight of an honest answer can feel as dismissive as a rejection of the person sharing their truth. This might be the reason we usually respond to this casually used question with such routine lines as, "I'm great", instead of saying, "My life has never sucked more than it does right now".  And by flippantly allowing this false exchange to occur we all deepen the depths at which our authentic and beautifully flawed selves remain buried and ignored.

By the same token, when a person is going through a rough season, a rough day, maybe even just a rough moment, they don't need to use words to tell you they are feeling awful and fighting despair. The state of the soul is hard to hide and is usually as blatant as the clothes on their back. All it takes is a moment to visually listen to sense where people are in their journey. Maybe its bags under the eyes, perhaps an unusual slump in their steps, maybe a nervous anxiety in their jaw, perhaps a protective energy that feels heavy or dejected....whatever the signs, the body will never lie. The truth of who a person is and what they are feeling is always as accessible as a moment's consideration.

We  never have to ask, "How are you doing?", because if we would just slow down for a moment and look beyond our own harried lives and schedules the answer would be clear. If we really want to know how other people are doing, we don't have to use our words. We only need to use our eyes and the sensitivity of  the spirit. What we do with this information is another conversation entirely, and I will share my opinion on that at another time. But the thought I want to leave you with is this: We learn more about people in their silence then from their words. And my question to you is this: Why do we bother asking, 'how are you doing?', at times when we don't have the time or the interest in the real answer? Are we such creatures of habit that we cant decipher a better way to recognize each other? Thoughts, anyone? I'd love to find another way to greet people so that when we do ask people to share how they are doing the thought holds more weight. If we only ask when we really care to know the answer, the value of the response will be felt and in turn, the answer will become more honest. Honest answers = honest people = a more authentic life lived.