20,000 Breaths, 20,000 Choices

Did you know that you take, on average, over 20,000 breaths a day? I'm willing to bet that most of us go through most days without thinking about how we are going to breathe, if the next breath will be there when we need it, and how we will have enough breath to get through  today and the next day. Most of us do not live in fear of not having the ability to breathe nor do we fear that our breath will run out. We trust, most of us without any anatomical knowledge of physiology, that our lungs have, do, and will  function without wavering. This is a faith we carry although most of us have never seen our own lungs with our own two eyes. Isn't that nutty? Aren't the workings of your heartbeat and lungs and other vital organs such a mystery? How life begins and how it ends are such wonders that I cannot comprehend them but I can marvel and be grateful....but back to the topic of breath.  I bring up the thought of breath because, as a Pilates instructor and life long student, I see the internal stress that people carry within them so heavily tied to their ability, or lack of ability, to breathe. Neck tension, small nervous tiny specks of a breath, shoulders held close to the ears as if to protect the mind, these are some of the tell tale signs of a person in dire need of finding their true ability to breathe. The worries of life choke out peoples capacity to take a full breath.  Full active breathing requires  not only a physical shift in approach but also a decision to let go of some sense of control, to push boundaries, to open the body and the mind to something larger, to recognize and release the stiffiling aspects of ones own psyche and persona.  When you take a full breath you connect to yourself and to the wonders of a  larger scenario on a wider scope.  And when you make a daily habit out of conscious active breathing you may find yourself starting to connect to people and situations and to the turmoil of life with a little bit more grace because you have begun to sense that everything and nothing is connected to the truth of who you are and that you are a marvel of your own. Your spirit is your true self and by the grace of God you are enough.  Everything else, even your body, will, at the end of your days, go back in the box. So why not allow yourself to enjoy more of your 20,000 breaths today with a sense of realization that marvelous and wonderful miracles are happening all around you and in you every second of every day and that the stresses of life are a burden we can adopt or deny because we have the power. We have the ability to change the way we breathe, we have the ability to change the way we live.

My Christmas Presents

So  yesterday was Christmas day, and I have got to say how lovely it was to focus on people and friendships and family instead of battling the distracting stress of the gnawing knowledge that I have spent too much money on too many presents that nobody really needed and that i couldn't really afford.  It might have been in part because of the economy that the gift exchanges in my circles were few and simple but I think that the simplicity of everything waswhat made it so special. It was deeply meaningful to be with my family in a time when i know many people are lonely or are missing loved ones who have passed on or who are battling illness in their lives. It reminded me of how fragile all of our connections to each other really are and how blessed we are for every day in which we are granted opportunity to relate to each other and to show love and support towards each other. My sweet boyfriend, my lovely sister, my older/younger brother, my momma bird, my dear dad, my boyfriends generous sister and his strong mother...these exquisite souls gave me such a gift yesterday. They gave me themselves. And it was wonderful.

Anyone feeling blue the week before Christmas?

Its Monday, many of us are feeling the pressure of Christmas upon us, some of us are off  of work, some of us are out of work, there is an entire demographic that hasn't had work for quite some time, and yet the twinkling lights and background music of almost every business site are telling us to , "Be Merry!", "Be Cheery!", "Be Bright!"....well....how can you be merry, cheery, and bright when you are out of a job? Where do you find a smile when you aren't able to stretch the muscles of your talents and abilities and feel the intrinsic reward of accomplishment and the extrinisc respect and compensation from society and your peers? Its a tough gig, my friends....and I don't suppouse that I know the right recipe to eradicate the kind of stress and depression many are feeling this season. But, I can suggest that we all take a heaping spoon of empathy and grace this week and start looking around to those who are less fortunate then we. If you are reading this blog then you are blessed beyond most other people's comprehension. If you are clothed and fed and warm, then you are blessed. And if you are feeling stuck and depressed, I am deeply sorry for your state and I know that its a small solace at the moment to know in your head that its a season from which you will find inevitable change. My heart is heavy for the burdened, and every burden is heavy to its owner. So, where ever you are this week, whatever your state of mind, consider looking around at the state of others and consider whether or not you might help them with their burden. Sometimes all it takes is realizing that the burden you bear is shared to eleviate the pressure of its weight upon your shoulders. My prayer today is for us to give each other grace and to be generous with our kindness. Its a bright season for some, its a dark season for many. But its also an opportunity to realize our own spiritual and emotional wealth and to share the gifts of the heart with not only others but ourselves. Be kind to your heart this week. Be generous to your soul. Pressures of life are mostly man made. You are beautiful, you are special, you are a gift to this world, and you are worthy of celebration. No matter your state, there is a beauty and a treasure within you that is unlike anyone elses. You are a gift to this time and place and in you lives the essence of Love. Take comfort , my friends, and, when opportunity presents itself, give yourself the gift of giving comfort in return.

Reflections

What are the moments that take your breath away? When you think about the times you have been the happiest, what do those moments look like? What are the ingredients for a happy memory? When I think about the greatest moments in my life they are based on relationships and interactions with others. I dont believe any of my material possessions have ever created a true lasting sense of joy or peace. Whilst creating opportunity for distraction and entertainment, things in and of themselves have never provided me belly aching laughter, tear inducing tenderness, or heart warming kindnessess. Those are the treasures that come the most intensely and truly from friends and family. I'm grateful for the people around me, the chance to be a part of this life, the small and stunningly poignant perspectives that each moment unveils when I slow down long enough to really see what is happening around me. At all times life is calling, love is waiting, truth is reaching out. And when I look, when I really experience the moments I am in instead of rushing through them en route to the next deadline, the next appointment, the next event....a mindblowing sense of peace and gratefulness overwhelms my being.  So in this busy month where we tend to feel stretched even more than usual I would encourage us all to practice looking at each moment with new eyes and to adopt the intention of experiencing what we are seeing and feeling and being in a fresh way. When you desire to see beauty it will reveal itself to you. When you look for opportunities to love you will find yourself loved. And when you slow down  you will find your blessings abounding.

DECEMBER IS UPON US!!!

Ahhhhh, December.....as a child it was all circle chains and paper nativities and homemade crafts that kids made and sold for a $1. The idea of a budget was a decade away from my thought process and I floated merrily along, intoxicated by the scent of fresh pine, through a month long parade of twinkling lights and chocolate fudge. I never checked my weight, the idea of not indulging in sugary delights and confectionery dreams was absurd, and money was something I mostly just played with during games of Monopoly. Fast forward two decades......instead of sighing with nostalgia the struggle to maintain sanity is more prevalent and with the advent of adulthood and budgets and economic woes and consumer pressures and the reality of life this month has become a much more difficult balancing act. But that's what we are all trying to do....find a little bit of balance in a world gone askew.

Beyond ideal aspirations to live in the space of authentic living,  I honestly just cant participate in the shopping hoopla like I've done in years past. And, like so many years before, I find myself obstinately holding onto my resolve and  refusing to start the panic stricken slide down the slippery slope of competitive gift giving that happens so easily. And the competition to give usually is within ourselves. We start the, "Well I bought this for Sally so I HAVE to buy this for Cindy but then Timmy will feel left out so I how can I not buy this for him too....." And THAT conversation is only as long as your address book is full. Whew,.....what a nightmare of a thought process. I know because I've done it almost every year since I've been saddled with the lovely signatures of young adulthood. I  know that we buy presents for our loved ones to show them how much we love them but....ummmmm....shouldn't they already know? Shouldn't our year long interactions with the truly close people in our lives let them know how precious they are to us? One day of over the top, stress inducing, checkbook deflating gift giving cant make amends for a year of distracted interactions, sparse attentions, little communication, and neglect. Its as if we feel that we can buy back all the time we should have, could have, would have given to each other with a brightly wrapped package. Well, I say "no!". No, you cant make up for the time lost with a shiny thing, and the stress we create for ourselves by purchasing items well beyond our means for someone who probably doesn't need it anyways only makes the true enjoyment of each other impossible on what is supposed to be one of the most enjoyable days of the year. Well , again, I say "NO!" to the Black Fridays and the mad shopping mall trips and the parking lot jams and the long lines and the insane pretending that somehow all the stress if worth it. Because its not.

 So I'm not playing the game this year. I'm just not buying into that hype. I live on a budget and the people I care about are going to know how much they mean to me not by what I give to them but by how I treat them. And if that means starting a greater habit of consideration for others this month that lasts all month and all next year long then I better hop to it. The gift of our time invested into the lives of others, with no strings attached, is the best gift you can possibly give. My amazing boyfriend threw a wonderful super duper late surprise birthday party for me the other night, four months AFTER my birthday. And you know what I remember the most about that night?  I remember all of the lovely faces of the people who took the TIME to come out on a cold winter evening to tell me with their presence that I mean something special in their hearts and that I am important to them. I will never forget who showed up. That is the gift that I will treasure. The interactions with people I love in a space of  compassion and affection is the best present I have ever received or given.  So....do yourself and your bank account a favor. This Christmas season, look around at the hustle and bustle and ask yourself  how you want to participate and even if you want to join the herd. Its not a bad thing to buy presents. If I  had the surplus income I would shower my family with things that they would enjoy. But I am encouraging all of us to re-center our focus onto the intentions and reasons we do what we do. With all of the everyday pressures that we feel why would we CHOOSE to add more stress to our lives. A return to some of the more simple enjoyments of childhood could benefit us all. A package can be bought, a heart must be given. And you alone have  the power to share that most wonderful gift in the way most true to who you are. Life, love, laughter. Money cant buy back any of those things. So good luck, friends. December is already in full swing and you have the power to decide how you want to dance through this month.

PRACTICING WHAT YOU PREACH, gratitude, day 30

As we round the bend and close the circle on this month's series of gratitude blogs I find it so fitting and slightly ironic that I woke up this morning struggling to practice what I've been loudly extolling from the soapbox. After having been in a long audition process for a commercial call in which I was put on avail (which means I've practically booked the gig but not quite or maybe not at all) I had my third callback yesterday. So of course I'm  thinking, "Great! I nailed it!" so I went in, did my thing for the casting director, and waited for the phone to ring....that was yesterday. My phone has only beeped with junk e-mails since. Now today I'm fully aware that my chances of booking this commercial are probably 50/50....and as time goes by this morning that balance is going to fall less and less in my favor. And so here I am, swallowing my own medicine and reminding myself to put things into perspective.  I don't know if I booked the job or not and I'm actively and verbally talking to myself in the bathroom, encouraging myself to remember that this outcome is just not that important. If I get the commercial that would feel awesome to my ego and my bank account. But if  the phone doesn't ring, then there is a bigger picture involved that I better be able to see. And that bigger picture is this: Sometimes our disappointments are gifts in and of themselves. Sometimes our failures must happen in order for somebody else to experience success. Sometimes those unanswered prayers are God's way of saving us from ourselves. And sometimes things just don't go our way so that our heads don't get bigger then our hearts. So yes, I REALLY would love for that phone to ring today. But the more I talk to you about it the less important it seems. Because if instead of gaining a commercial contract I gain a little bit more compassion, empathy, understanding, and wisdom, then I think the true success is mine anyways.

Thank you for sharing in this blog with me this last month. The practice of gratitude is a beautiful gift to yourself that I would encourage everyone to keep. I intend to maintain a gratitude journal outside of this blog, which I do hope you will continue to join me in,  because the inner peace that has seeped into my day just by living more fully in the present and with an open heart has been a tremendous gift to myself.  Give yourself the gift of seeing beyond the circumstances you are dealing with. Life is too short. I don't want to miss out on its beauty because my head was too full of the  cotton and cobwebs of bitterness and envy. We ALL are blessed. Start counting those blessings today. You will certainly be surprised at how much you really do have to be thankful for. I know that I am.

ANOTHER DAY, gratitude, day 29

I'm thankful that at the end of every  day there is time to pause, to reflect, to reconsider, to evaluate, to forgive, to anticipate, to muster courage. God was kind when He decided to give us one day at a time; 24 hours at a time in which to tackle, enjoy, endure, conquer, celebrate, and grieve. Even though I like to joke about needing more hours in the day,  I also realize that there have been days when I couldn't possibly have carried through for one more second. We have all been there. Those days when getting out of bed seemed an impossible chore, when stepping outside of your door took all the energy you had, when no one else knew the pain you were carrying behind your cracked and crooked smile....those are the days when God was the closest at hand ready to carry you to the end of that labored day and into rest.  By the same token, those days of celebration and jubilance are also made all the more joyful by the knowledge that they are just moments on top of a hill from which we all come down. I wouldn't appreciate my blessings if I had always had them. If I didn't experience sadness my joys could never taste as sweet. It is the darkness of my nights that allows me to welcome the morning with humility and gratitude. So I choose to be thankful, whatever my day brings, because God never gives us more then we can handle and He never leaves us alone.  As I finish my coffee and start to get ready to leave my home for unknown recipe of events, moments, interactions, opportunities, frustrations, choices, and deliberations, I find myself a little excited. Because here I go into another 24 hours....yesterday is gone, tomorrow isn't yet here, today is the time and here are the moments before me. Consciously choosing to live in the now makes today an adventure. I am thankful for this day, I realize that I only have so many, and I will do my best to not waste one moment of it.

MY THINGS, gratitude, day 28

I am so grateful for my car. I know that in the spirit of gratitude this month I have really been pushing the idea of  being grateful for things beyond our possessions and for the deeper intention of living from a place of bigger perspective. But that doesn't exclude the importance of being appreciative for the little things that make our life easier, ESPECIALLY when so many other people have so few of these amenities. An abundant life will experience seasons of ease and discomfort and I hope that we can all realize that there is certainly a great merit that comes with living in gratitude for the things that we have. Being grateful creates a certain sense of being responsible with the stewardship to which you have been appointed. Taking care of your possessions is a good practice for how you will take care of other people's possessions and for how you will handle bigger responsibilities of stewardship in your relationships and careers. But here is the sticky balancing act we face: We must care enough about our things to be good masters of our domain but we must also make peace with  being flexible with the flow of these amenities in and out of our lives. Balance comes in being able to appreciate the presence of material stuff in our lives and then to continue to live in gratitude and serenity when they show their fleeting colors and disperse. I can appreciate my material blessings without clinging to them as my source of identity or joy. It is in the times when I forget that my possessions are just things that I feel my vision darken with the struggle that comes from  desperately trying to maintain those things before maintaining my relationships. It is a priority issue. People are more important than things. Our spiritual lives are more tangible then our material experiences. And at the end of the day, you can't take any of it with you. As Seinfeld said, "It all goes back in the box".  Because my friends, this much is evident: this world is ready to strap on as many "things"to your back as you will allow and it will bloat your belly with its stuffings until you scream "no more!". It will celebrate your consumerism and pat you on the back for supporting its materialism and  then it will feign  surprise when your knees begin to buckle under the burden your bear. But it will not stop to pick you  up when you fall and its parade will continue to march on without you. It is the wealth of our relationships that will bring solace and comfort when the merriment of material musings are no more. Who are your friends? And how much have you invested in them? I ask myself this same question and I know that i must spend more time on people then on collecting things. Things will not hold my hand at the sunset of my day or of my life. People are the treasures worth investment. So yes, I am grateful for my car. It is cute, it is sporty, it is fun, it gets me where I need to go. But I didn't always have it and I did just fine. I can think of several people who were with me before the cute car and who will love me when it is gone. And THAT makes me very grateful.

CREATIVITY AND PLAY, gratitude, day 27

I am not a robot. I am not my social security number. I am not a statistic. I am not the composite of my facebook profile. I am not what you see. I am more then what I  knew yesterday and more than what I will know tomorrow. For now what I know is that in the moments when I color outside of the lines, when I de-thrown ego and logic from their thrown, and when I act from a place unplanned and unconscious I discover such moments of bubbling bliss that I am once again convinced that it is by playfully tapping into our inner lives that we realize our true potentials. Creative outlets provide potentials a stomping ground for exploration and discovery. Creativity facilitates the discovery of passion and purpose. Without creativity we fall prey to cookie cutter thinking and complacently become grunt workers on whatever ships society and government dictate we set sail. Creative outlets remind us that we are more then our paychecks, our jobs, our cars, our genders, our clothes, our houses, our ethicitiy. Each of us is a unique tapestry full of vibrant colors and textures with the capacity to continually expand. And to suppose that we all could possibly shine the same way in the same light is ridiculous.  So why do we fool ourselves into thinking that everyone is best suited to the same path lived the same way? Even treadmills at the gym offer options for how you would like to spend the next thirty minutes of your life. Resturants realize that not everyone enjoys the same main course. And churches realize that not everyone wants to worship the same way. So why would you allow something as precious as the decisions of your life to be relegated to somebody else's idea of what looks good to them??? Your life, your choice. We know this in our heads but we somehow allow other peoples' voices to carry more weight then our own.  By refusing to give up on creative outlets we help ourselves to keep our own sense of identity alive in a world eager to blanch you of any color that clashes with its wallpaper. Sing, dance, paint, act, play an instrument, join a sporting team, become an expert at quilting....I dont know what your fancy is but find it and play with it and don't let anyone take it away from you.

We glisten in the sun and shine in the void to the extent that we dive within and answer the call of our own wild horses. You can call these inner voices the call of the wild, or the passions of your heart, or the will of God, but they all refer to the same truth. And that truth is the reality that abundant life is within everyone's grasp and that we must reach above, within, and beyond ourselves in order to receive that abundance. The courage necessary to exchange the shackles of convention for the purity of a life lived in authenticity and honest response does not always come naturally or easily. But by adopting a habit of creativity courage becomes easier to muster. Creativity brings equality to the playing field because at the end of the day we are all kids who want our turn in the sandbox, our time on the swing set, our chance to soar down the slide. Whether its on a tuba, on a theatre stage, with a paintbrush, maybe a fashion design, perhaps its in a cooking class, could be with a clay oven,  just as well might be in computer code, and likely is something you already do in your spare time....whatever it is, whatever your passion or creative outlet....hold onto it tight and celebrate it daily. The instincts of children are to play every day. We should  learn from their wisdom.

FRIENDS, gratitude, day 26

I once read that, "its not what your friends do for you but what you know that they would do for you" that makes them so invaluable. And I must agree. So many times your friends can't remedy a tragedy or heal a wound or fix the problems you are facing. Sometimes the only thing that they can do is show up and be present. And sometimes, although its the only gift they can offer, sometimes its the perfect gift that they bring to you. Look back and assess who has stood by your side, held your hand, maintained silence as you cried your eyes out or waited patiently as you sat quietly trapped in your own stony silence of pain. Recognize that these are the friendships that deserve nurturing and maintaining. These friends are warriors and you can not force their allegiance. Should you be fortunate to have even one friend of this caliber you are blessed. And I am so blessed.

SAYING "NO" , gratitude, day 25

Today I'm grateful for the right to choose and the right to say "no". As a woman and a recovering perfectionist my instinct has always been and still is to say, "yes" to every opportunity and project and to pile onto my proverbial plate much more then I should ever possibly juggle at one time. It has always been my mod us operand to take on more tasks, jobs, projects, goals, etc., then THREE of me should try to maneuver and then to smile, through gritted teeth, and say, "Please sir, may I have some more?" (That was an old Oliver Twist reference for anyone with a musical theatre bone in their body :) ). And the amazing thing is that somehow I always survive the stressful seasons and look back and marvel at how unscathed I am. BUT, (this is gonna be a HUGE but), there is no possible way avoid the consequences of taking on too much.  The consequences often don't reveal themselves as directly affecting you. If you are a life long multi-tasker like me then you know that it is the people around you who suffer the consequences of your limited resources of time and energy. It is the people who love us who get burned by our burn outs. I admit that I have been a part of many a conversation with a loved one where I was asked to please get my head out of the sand and to realize that my relationship with them was drowning. Sometimes I listened, sometimes I didn't.  My first marriage fell apart for several reasons but my jet-setter mentality certainly did nothing to mend the problems we faced.  I see now that if you are always running the rat race then it is friends and family who, if they continue to stick around, feel the sting of  always seeing you exhausted, tired, run-down, and drained.  Many a marriage has dissolved, in part, because one or two of the partners became more married to their work then to each other. And you know the funny thing? Nobody on their death bed is going to wish they had spent more hours in the office, making more money, or gaining more notoriety in the public eye. Investing in each other is the most important part of this journey.  No one can put a price on how truly valuable the time we spend with each other is.  Family, friends, community,...these are truly priceless treasures. I see that more clearly all of the time. And so I am very slowly working on learning how to flex my "no" muscles when I become starry-eyed at the next capital venture I see glimmering before me.  No man is an island and every time I throw myself into a project I recognize that I am making a choice that directly affects every relationship in my life.  I am certainly not advocating that I, or anyone else for that matter, stop working hard to create a better financial situation for themselves or to see passions and dreams realized. But I am suggesting that because we only have a certain amount of time and energy to invest that we, like any good broker, consider spending  more time developing investment portfolios that will reap eternal dividends.

DIFFERENCES, gratitude, day 24, HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

I'm so glad that you aren't like me. I'm so relieved that I am not surrounded by a community of people who look just  like me, talk just like me, think just like me, or have the same history. I've been with me for enough years to be slightly bored with the idea of spending more time focusing on just me! Not that I don't love myself and appreciate myself; this entire month has been a gratitude exploration of celebrating just how amazing my life really is. I am excited to continue to grow in the ultimate revelation and expression of what my greatest life story can possibly be. HOWEVER, there is so much to be learned and gained from embracing the wisdom, humor, perspective, lessons, burdens, joys, and insights of other people. Here is an interesting test: the next time you are in conversation with another person, take note of how many times you use the word "I". Begin to notice how much of a conversation you spend discussing yourself. And then dare to spend an entire conversation NOT allowing a single reference using the word "I". You might be stunned, as I am, by how much time we spend talking about ourselves. Again, I hope you understand that I'm not advocating you deny your own importance. What I am spearheading here is the idea that there is deep value in investing interest beyond yourself  and into the minds and thoughts and experiences of other people. I am in the process of actively learning that  by becoming more interested in others I actually learn more about myself. By truly listening to other people I gather valuable insights for navigating my own journey. And by turning the focus off of me and onto others I enable shared growth, learning, and community.

We are all so different. No matter how put together we may seem, we all have endured heartache and pain. We all have stories to tell and a unique perspective on the shared room that is life. We are all living here together but we all see something slightly different based on the baggage that is strapped to our backs. Appreciating that everyone is carrying a load that may be heavier or lighter then mine enables me to restrain judgement and extend grace to situations that I don't understand. Recognizing that everybody's story carries within it joy and sorrow and humor allows me to shift focus to understanding others before rushing to prove my own validity and importance. My opinions are strong but not always right. Sometimes I'm wrong. Sometimes my input is not the most valuable in the room. Sometimes I greatly benefit from biting my tongue, being quiet, and allowing others to take the stage. I learn the most when I am silent. I become heard in the conversations where I'm actively listening. And I shine the most when I'm putting the spotlight on others.  The beauty of our differences creates a wonderful tapestry. There is a time to focus on me, but there is just as much, if not more, good to be gained by celebrating others.

MOM, gratitude, day 23

My memories of childhood include my mom taking me to the library, reading with me on the couch, quizzing me in my knowledge of the multiplication tables on the way to school, picking my brother and I up with freshly cut fruit to snack on, making sure i didn't watch too much TV over the summer, bringing me cod liver oil and vitamins in the morning, encouraging me to read the Bible, tucking me into bed with a nightly tradition of brushing my hair and a routine of questions from yours truly that she would patiently answer (including, but not limited to, "is there anything under the bed?", "is the window locked?", "what time do I have to get up?"), along with a host of other holistic and spiritually centered rituals and routines. My mom engrained in me the importance of faith and health from an extremely early age,...perhaps that is part of the reason I'm a Pilates trainer.

And my mother was no hypocrite. She practiced what she preached and boy!, as I entered the idiocy stage that is also known as being a teenager, my mother seemed to preach a lot!!! :) All of the well intentioned efforts and loving contributions into my life that had been sweet and comforting as a child became burdensome and annoying during those teenage years. My dear mother suffered many an undeserved snide comment or dismissal from me as I stubbornly adopted the common teenage assumption that my mother had lost her mind and was intent on running my life with an insane controlling agenda.  During those years there was a lot of huffing and puffing on my part, several slammed doors, many a loud outburst, and a shameful amount of ungrateful and selfish ignoring.  And yet, if I am to be honest,....even though I kicked and screamed through those years of painful parenting, there was always a small part of me that still recognized the love that was at the heart of her pleas. I always knew that she loved me. And although it was accompanied by much resistance, I almost always found myself obeying her wishes and following the course she dictated. Such was the result of the earlier years of investment and time that she had spent proving her love and affection for me. The result of her loving investments during the years when I was young enough to soak it up  hungrily and without question afforded her the knowledge that her parenting in later, more challenging years, would pay off. Take note! The seed of love always produces fruit if it is watered and nurtured. Although you may not be the one to bear witness to the results, take heart in the knowledge that love melts the hardest heart and it never fails to make a difference.

Of course in later years, as the realities of young adulthood set in, my perspective again changed. As the college years came to a close and my life was rocked by the end of my first marraige I had the opportunity to reconnect with my parents. Under those grim circumstances I took up residence with my folks. I once again found myself butting heads with my mother but soon found the blows waning. Because with the growing horror that came in realizing that we were basically cut from the same grain and that I was, despite my best rebuttals and denials, the spitting image of my mother in almost every way that counted, I began to reconsider her intelligence and the idea that maybe I hadn't been right ALL of the time ALL of those years. Maybe she knew what she had been doing all those rocky years. And maybe she was really a very cool lady. :) In part I'm jesting. However  there is nothing like realizing you are exactly like your mother to begin to show you that she is not only a parent with the authority to ruin your Saturday nights but is also a human being just like you; another woman who used to be a girl who is doing her best to figure out her own journey here on earth.

Nowadays I will tell anyone who will hear me that I adore my mother. I now recognize with increasing conviction that she is an amazing diamond cut from the rough. The love that shines brilliantly through her is inspiring, comforting, and endearing. I love Gloria Ruth Ivy for the mother that she was to me all of the years of my life and for the virtuous, silly, tender, hard working, patient, and loyal friend and woman that she is apart from that parental identity. She is one of my life's role models. She is, to me, the ideal mother. And she is, without a doubt, my favorite lady. God gave me one of the greatest blessings in the world when He allowed me to be the daughter to this amazing woman.  Any  beauty and love and light that flow through me are in large part a reflection of the love that she invested in me for all of those years. From Mommy & Me piano lessons to verbal brawls in the hall to being the shoulder I wept on when my marriage dissolved, my mother has always been present. She allowed me a carefree childhood, she tightened the reigns on my bridle when my teenage vision was reckless and uncertain, and she carried my heart through tragedy with the hours she spent in prayer on her knees.  I love you, Mom. You are my gratitude today and every day. 

MY SISTER, gratitude, day 22

When I first met her I wasn't quite sure what I thought of her...i took note that she was a tall, pretty blonde who although she was dating my brother seemed unfazed by my opinions and wasn't bending backwards to impress me...hmmmm....over time and to my surprise she stuck around and  I started noticing her tireless work ethic, her business savvy, her go getter approach to life, her sense of integrity, her ridiculous talents as a performer, an increasingly obvious wacky sense of humor, and most importantly and to my amazement, she seemed to understand my brother and loved him beyond all reasonable doubt. So then I decided I liked her. But I knew I loved her when I realized that she was the sister I had been waiting for my entire life. Tina has so much love and good will in her heart. She cares about making a difference in people's lives. And she and my brother make a sickeningly sweet pair of nuts. She is an angel to my brother and a source of peace. She is beautiful, precious, and one of the greatest blessings in our family. Together, I have no doubt, that my brother and her will bring more beauty and love into this world. I am so grateful to finally have a sister in my life with whom to grow and love and live and share experiences. I am eager for more coffee dates, more shared laughter, more times spent doing nothing and talking about everything. I love my sister. I love you, Tina.

JESUS, gratitude, day 21

As a Christian I'm grateful for the faith, hope, and love that fills my heart and energizes my bones. Jesus Christ seems to be a taboo topic for a lot of people that I encounter and Christianity seems to be run constantly through the mud as a hypocritical religion full of a bunch of right wing nut bags and you know what?, there are a lot of hypocritical nut bags running around but they aren't relegated to just one religion or sector of the country. Christianity, true Christianity, is all about love. Its about taking care of each other. Its about looking past yourself to the bigger picture of a bigger life and a future hope. Its about embracing people from the heart and looking past the the surface. My faith allows me to extend the grace that I have received from God to other people. I don't suppose to have all the answers but I do have a faith that grounds me in a world where often times nothing makes sense. My faith in God's plan and purpose allows me to sleep easy at night, to put circumstances into perspective, to live with a peace that no material object has ever provided, to feel a sense of purpose in my passions, to live with a hope that supersedes the nature of  shifting economies and governments, and to see the deep beauty that lies at the heart of every one of God's children. I love Jesus Christ and I'm grateful to walk another day with Him leading the way.

CHILDREN, gratitude, day 20

For those of you who have known me for a while, you might think that this is a slightly odd gratitude for me to be posting. My stance on having children still currently stands that I can't imagine not having children but I can't imagine having them now. My mother set the bar pretty high on what being a good mother looks like and I'm not yet quite ready to be that unselfish. But that doesn't mean I am not becoming increasing aware of how much children put EVERYTHING into perspective. They remind us that life is pretty darn funny and that most things aren't worth the worry and anxiety that we attach to them.They force us to look beyond our own egos and to look after the well being of others. They demand that we keep or, as the case may be, find, our sense of humor and regain a sense of silly play.  Just last night I was at Medieval Times celebrating my father's birthday and I had such a blast giving myself the permission to scream and holler and cheer for the knight that was upholding the honor of the color of our seated section that was coordinated with his outfit and most clearly represented by the paper crowns we all wore proudly.  And man! I had so much fun laughing at myself last night. Giving myself permission to play make believe is a joy and a freedom that we know as children  and often slowly exchange for an idea of what being a "grown up" should look like. Unfortunately we often succumb to the adulthood schedule that is accompanied by a loss of play, an addition of superimposed fears and rules, and a general loss of perspective on the importance of fun.  Children force us to get silly, to forget our ridiculous egos, to have fun, to love, to enjoy innocence, and to laugh at life and ourselves. And isn't that what the best moments in life look like? Shared laughter in the presence of love is my favorite recipe. So today I will celebrate children, because despite my chagrin at the messes they make, the tantrums they throw, and the general upheaval of any sense of normalcy in life, the whirlwind they bring forces the creation of the space we need in order to find the best parts of ourselves.

DAD, gratitude, day 19

My Dad's birthday is this weekend and its the most fitting time to hold him in remembrance, celebration, and gratitude. But although its the most obvious time to recognize a man who has endured the marathon of parenting two intense children and is still married after over thirty years,  its not his birthday that has me thankful for him today. I'm grateful for his quiet commitment to keeping his head up high over the years no matter what dark season he was facing and I'm grateful that he allowed my brother and I the luxury of not knowing the sting of struggle as he allowed us to grow up in a warm home with full bellies and peaceful minds.  He placed no dissuasion upon us  when it came to our decisions to pursue creative professions and he allowed us to make those decisions freely. There was a time when i wished that he would have put more input into my life regarding some of my big life decisions but God knew better. He knew, and maybe my Dad did too, that such an insertion of authority would never have worked with a mule headed girl like me. God knew that my Dad would make the deepest contribution to my life by allowing my choices to run their course and by being ready to welcome me with open arms when I was ready to come back home. Thanks, Dad for letting me have my room back. And thanks for the silly welcome home sign that was waiting for me when I stepped back into that room after so many years. You may never know how much that sign meant to me at a time when nothing made sense and the only thing I felt was cold anger and sadness. That sign was amazing. So are you...

You know, its a funny role reversal experience to watch your parents age. For a very long time my Dad was one of the two imposing figures standing between me and freedom. But with time I'm seeing more and more of the little boy who is still at the heart of who my Dad is.  With my own adulthood I can now more clearly see how my Dad has always done the best he could with the knowledge he had. And who can possibly do better then that?!?!

Dad, thank you for all the love and all the silliness and all the careful consideration. I'm blessed to have you in my life, Dad.  Every time you refill my coffee mug and decorate the sugar plate with a carefully folded napkin I hear you saying, "I love you." Every time you see me struggling to carry an enormous load and you force me to let you carry more then you should I hear, "I love you". And every time you demand I, "pay the toll" with a kiss in the hall I hear, "I love you".  Thank you, Dad for all the "I love yous". They mean more and more to me. I love you so very much. I love seeing you laugh. I love hearing joy in your voice. I get a kick watching you get a kick out of something. And between your corny jokes and ridiculous impersonations I am getting a clearer picture of the little boy that's still inside of you and I love that kid so much. He's one of the people I get the most excited to see and I hope he will come out to play more often. I love you, Big Bird. Happy Birthday. Today I am grateful for you.

MY BROTHER, gratitude, day 18

He is the Animated Starfish to my Great Manatee. He is the Waldorf to my Statler. He is the Tom to my Sue. He is the Sci-Fi Melon to my Brave Little Toaster. These childhood names and inside jokes are treasures between me and my hero who kept me safe from bullies on the kindergarten playground so many moons ago. He has witnessed me in every shade of light and darkness since we were children and has been the brunt of many of my tantrums, a plethora of my whining, a barrel full of my yelling, and a bushel of my anger. But so is the lot of an older brother...On the other hand, he has also been at the center of a growing affection, love, and respect for just as many years. And as the childhood fights dissipated with the awareness that age and time brings, what has remained and continues to grow is a tender and deeply rooted love that bonds us in a singular connection unshared with any other friend or spouse or boyfriend or acquaintance. The love of a brother and sister is an uncanny thing. They know you at your worst but they still adore you at your best. My brother is one of the rocks of love in my life. He can always make me laugh and he allows me to feel safe enough to cry. I love him so much, Thank you God for giving me a brother. Through the years, the fights, the marriages, the disappointments, the surprises, the victories, the tragedies....he's always been there. Sometimes in the background, hidden amongst the distractions of a busy and hectic life, but always there. I love you, David Thomas Ivy. Thank you for loving me too. Not every sibling has the kind of close honest friendship and love that we share. I'm so grateful for you. You are a good egg, and I'll stand up for you on the playground any day.

FOOD, gratitude, day 17

I'm thankful that God didn't just give us one source of fuel and sustenance...he gave us a boundless array of options from which to select nourishment and enjoyment. These options are so vast that we as cultures have created entire social frameworks around its consumption and many lives are devoted to understanding, playing with, and dissecting its aspects. I mean, there are a countless supply of cooking shows, books, radio broadcasts; we even have a Food Network. Although i would not yet consider myself  a cook, no matter how broad the perspective (case in point: i don't like to spend more time cooking then eating!), from my layman's perspective I just know that I love to eat and that food is a wonderful part of my day.

It does, however, give me pause  to think about people in lower socio-economic states who go to bed with hungry bellies on a regular basis. The fact that people in the United States, a place with so much abundance, should ever be hungry is just awful. When i remember that I have so much while so many have so little, the awareness of this disproportionate inequality creates in me the desire to truly appreciate the food i do have and to enjoy it with extra time and care. Instead of shoveling food into my vacuum of a mouth I am trying to slow down just a little bit and in exchange am reaching a new level of  truly savoring each taste, texture, and flavor.
And then you know what? As I realize that my heart is full with awareness and gratitude of the moment I  become more in tune with the moment my body is satiated as well.

 I don't overeat when I am eating with the intent to nourish. And I don't overeat when I am not using food to fill an emotional hole.But on those days when I'm running from my failures, or saddened by my imperfections, or tuned out of what God and life is trying to show me....Man oh man!, those days are not pretty and in those moments of  seeking comfort from food I have  sunk to the bottom of the chip bag, the last candy wrapper, the last bite, the last nibble. Not a pretty sight. Food sustains, it invigorates, its enjoyable, and it has a purpose. Like we talked about the other day, when you follow your passion you find purpose and fullfillment. When I am living in my passion and purpose for life I don't abuse food or mistake it for my fulfillment. I hope that you, too, will shift your perspective, or at least contemplate the ways you use food in your life. It has a purpose IN your life but it is not YOUR purpose. I hope today you allow yourself to live more fully in whatever those inner passions of your life are. And if you don't know what they are, ask the Creator of creation. He knows :)

TRADITIONS, gratitude, day 16

Traditions are sometimes considered to be a cumbersome burden of the past generation, a senile rut that overbearingly forces its own repeating. When we are young and immortal we tend to dismiss traditions as a sign of a loss of spontanaity and we might work very hard to do anything except that of which our elders approve. But here's the thing...as the years creep by I am finding the comfort that lies at the heart of upholding traditions. These repeated celebrations and patterns put a sort of bookmark between the hurried moments of life and allow us to pause and collect a grander sense of the scheme of things. I may not remember the blur of last years daily comings and goings but I do have a sense of certain singular moments. Sharing meals, gathering during the holidays, celebrating birthdays,...these are the obvious ones. But what about the other traditions we create? A standing coffee date with a girlfriend, a weekly date night with a loved one, a workout partner that you see twice a week...these committments are just as important and can help create a support network when the rest of life gets a bit scattered and chaotic. Creating traditions for yourself, by yourself, is also important. It will create structure for your day and provide a springboard from which to make bold decisions. Put it this way...If I didn't create a box for my mind to work in I wouldn't have any point of reference to note when I joyfully jump outside of it. Traditions support our days and create reference points for reflection upon our lives. I am thankful for this tradition I have right now of meeting with you on my laptop every morning, coffee in hand, in which I set my day off to a beautiful beginning with thankfulness and a grateful heart. I'm telling you, its changing my life by realizing how amazing and fragile this journey is. And with Thanksgiving and my fathers birthday and Christmas all around the corner, I smile thinking about sharing these traditional celebrations with the people I love.

FAILURES, gratitude, day 15

As a recovering perfectionist, I must admit today's gratitude subject of failure is one that I don't assume to have mastered yet. But I do realize how important it is to embrace personal failures as stepping stones towards greater success in the future. My mistakes teach me how NOT to do things which, in many cases, impart a deeper lesson and act as better guides then all of my successes.
Take for example the invention of the light bulb by Edison. He had over 10,000 prototypes of the U.S. light bulb and over 1000 attempts before he achieved his goal. How easy would it have been to give up after 50 or even 100 or dare 1000 tries?!? But "Edison did not think that any of his failures were actually “failures.” Edison said “If I find 10,000 ways something won't work, I haven't failed. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is just one more step forward....” Do you turn your “mistakes” into learning experiences? Adopt the same attitude as Edison did. Learn from mistakes. Be persistent."  http://www.dailynewarticles.com/ 
So when I feel myself starting to become deflated or depressed or sad because I fell short of  a goal I stop myself from hurling myself down that rabbit hole of wallowing and self-pity. I am learning to recognize the value in re-adjusting my perspective. I'm learning to see the gifts in my shortcomings and the valuable lessons they hold. A  silver lining is found where there are clouds and after the rain comes the rainb0w. Just think how much sweeter victory will taste after you have finally chased it down. It is the hard won races that we never forget and it is the rough journeys that make life an adventure. 

HOME, gratitude, day 14

I'm really thankful that I have a place, a comfy place, to call home. I'm really blessed to have more then one place where everyone is always happy when I walk in the door, where there is always food if I'm hungry, a place to lay my head if I'm tired, a bathroom, a shower, and many times a furry friend to greet me. There is a very small percentage of the world that has all of the amenities that I take for granted...but the one thing that is more important then any of them is the love that makes these dwelling places a home. Knowing that I am loved is the single most wonderful thing about being home so that even when I'm not in the house my heart still feels the warmth that being at home brings.

WORK, gratitude, day 13

In this crazy economy where unemployment rates are ridiculously high, I am so very thankful for every one of my sources of income. Sometimes Monday rolls around after the weekend and, if you've ever seen the classic movie Office Space you will know this reference, you have "a case of the Mondays".  But in light of the tough situation almost every middle class American is facing, I am thrilled to have the opportunity to work. And on top of that blessing, I get to do something almost every day that I love. I feel confident that I am moving closer and closer to living my life within my life's purpose and passion. That feels incredible. I love what I do and so it doesn't really feel like work most of the time. How amazing is that?!?! I am a firm believer in the idea that if you pursue your passion you will find your purpose and that it is in finding that purpose that we find fulfillment. But it starts with discovering your passion and giving yourself permission to invest in that. Passions are usually attached to our God-given talents. So what are you good at? What brings you the most pleasure? What do you    find yourself doing when you have free time? If you don't already know what your passions are then they are likely to be found within the answer to those questions. Purpose and passion make life worth living,...without them this journey is a dull shade of grey. I am not interested in passing through, getting by, or scraping off the bottom of the barrel. I am committed to sucking the marrow, to racing to the moon, to soaring with eagles, to climbing the peaks of mountains that scare me. And why shouldn't our work day be a part of that equation? I am proposing that it should be consumed by the heart of our passion and purpose. If that sounds crazy then mull on this great quote that one of my friends uses that says this, "He who says it can't be done shouldn't stop the one who is doing it". I love that. And you know what?, I'm doing it. What about you?

OPPORTUNITY, gratitude, day 12

I'm grateful for all of the opportunities that we are granted every day to become better people and to make other people's lives better. There are so many decisions that we have to make every day and within so many of them lie the opportunity to set wheels in motion that will impact a countless number of lives through the butterfly effect (did you ever see that movie?). This life is about more then just me and it is my hope that I can see the  opportunities I encounter with more then just myself in mind. If we all thought about bettering others, can you imagine the chain reaction that would occur? We all have the power to make that difference. Sometimes all it takes is a smile, a kind word, or an acknowledgement. Try it, I dare you. It will bring change to others and it will undoubtedly change you too.

EDDIE GARCIA, gratitude, day 11

I'm deeply grateful for the love and support of my best friend and partner in life, Eddie Garcia. The circumstances that brought us together at a mutually critical time in our lives could not have been orchestrated more perfectly. We both were in the midst of our own free falls but the friendship and the love that we dared to open saved us both. The love that Eddie shows me every day is astounding. Its easy to take for granted the little things, but it is the little things that fill the foundation of a relationship and that nurture its roots. Doing my stinky laundry, waiting to eat till I get home, the unexpected sweet texts in the middle of the day, the whispered "I love yous's" when i kiss him goodbye in the morning, the gentle rebuffs when I forget that their are two perspectives in the room, the way he encourages my independant nature but is able to still kindly call me home when I start to drift away, the ridiculous dances he will do just because he knows it will crack a smile, and the way that he lets me be me in the best of ways. His gentle love inspires me every day to be a better partner, friend, woman, and lover. I dare never forget how amazing that is. Not everyone finds that kind of love in life. And not everyone who finds it hold on it by nurturing it. Love is a live thing, and it must be fed with more love and action. Eddie makes me want to work in the garden and i never want to forget to feed the seeds we planted so long ago. Thanks, Ducky. You bring out the best in me and I hope I can do the same.

FRIENDS, gratitude, day 9

Its not always what they do for me but what i know they would do for me that brings me comfort and grants me strenth. friends are a blessing and as i get older i begin to see ever more clearly how rare true and lasting friends are and what a treasure they are . I no longer take for granted my true friends and i can only hope that i am a good friend to others.

CHANGE, gratitude, day 8

That change is inevitable and constant is a bittersweet and liberating truth...no one stays on the mountain top forever but neither do we stay in the valley below. Life is a series of seasons and inevitable shiftings in circumstance. If we are wise we  allow these constant shifts to occur in our lives and hearts with grace. Thank God that the struggles of the night always conclude with a sunrise and that the fragile possibilities of the day are sealed in sunsets. No emotion is permanent and no earthly status or object lasts. Life, death, health, sickness, wealth, poverty, beauty, decay, status, careers, family, friends, community, shelters, possessions...these are just cycles that we are passing through. I appreciate what I have only because I know what it is like not to have and I recognize that its not really mine in the end anyways. I came here only by the grace of Love and I will leave the same way. Whatever your season, appreciate its beauty and its lessons. Because its only a season. It will change, and so will you.

SPIRIT, gratitude, day 7

I'm so glad that we are more then what we see. No other person can see my spirit, but it is my inner man that defines every external action and decision. It is my spirit that defines my worth as given by my Creator. Not my money, not my car, not my job, not my status, not my circle of influence. None of these external things last or really matter. It is the incorruptible beauty of the heart that should be the goal and that is the prize. If my identity was based on what I see in the mirror, my lot would be that of  constant anxiety and comparison. But since no one else can see my spirit but God, and since I cant judge anyone else because I cant see the entirety of their inner truth either, what joy I can have in knowing that I don't have to compete with anyone else and that I can journey through this life with the excitement of any other navigator going through uncharted waters! And although I don't always remember to invest my resources in the cultivation and support of my inner life, it is the seasons in which I do  that I consistently experience a kind of peace that cannot be bought or sold. My spirit is God's gift to me. I have a soul, I live in a body, but I am a spirit. And it is my spirit that will go to an eternal home one day because of the gift of the Lamb. Today I celebrate my true self, my spirit. Nothing here really matters because nothing here will really last. But no one can take away your true identity, your true home, your true beauty. It cannot be touched but its light can be felt and it shines the greatest where there is the greatest void. Shine spirit, shine.

WEATHER, gratitude day 6

Thank you God. Thank you for cool breezes that refresh my soul. Thank you for the lightening and the thunder that remind me how small I am and how big You are. Thank you for warm sunlight that embraces  and the rain that cleanses. Thank you for seasons that serve to remind me of the consistent nature of change. And thank you for the blessings of shelter that allow me to enjoy the beauty of weather without ever having to endure its sting for long.

MY PERSONAL PLAYGROUND, gratitude, day 5

Today I am grateful for my mind. I am grateful for its seemingly boundless capacities to create, imagine, re-imagine, problem solve, tune in, tune out, let go, hold on, clear space, and fine tune. The mind is a vast playground and sometimes I find it easy to get stuck visiting the same monkey bars and hanging out at the same drinking fountain day in and day out. When life is easy its easy to get stuck in ruts...but when life gets sticky and I'm forced to go places i haven't been before, after I get finished whining and complaining about the unfairness of it all or the inconvenience of it all...I find myself in amazing new territories, meeting amazing new people, encountering experiences that I could never have dreamed would have existed and that I would never exchange. When life plays hardball the mind is allowed the opportunity to show its strength, versatility, and abilities. We are smarter and more capable then we often give ourselves credit for and its only when we are stretched that we are able to reach new ground.

So today I am grateful for the mind God has given me and I hope you will recognize the worth of your own mind as well. With so much mental illness in the world a sound mind is a blessing. Recognize it and guard it. Decide what kind of nourishment you wish to feed it. The outlets of your mind are your eyes, your ears, your mouth, and your hands. But these are also the entry ways into your mind and soul. School is in session every day! (and you thought you were done! haa!! haa!! :) ) You have the power to make the decisions that will strengthen or weaken or unleash the power of the mind.

You also have the opportunity to give your mind the chance to play every day, to imagine, and to day dream. Dont underestimate the power of dreams!!!!!! Dreams mix with desires to become passions that become actions that create results that bring changes that, with time, can shift the course of an entire world. Facebook. Google. Youtube. Cellphones. The home computer.  Airplanes. Electricity. Cars. Printing Presses. All of these started in the day dreams of the mind. Whats your dream? It might just be what the entire world needs and doesn't even know it yet. Celebrate the mind. It truly is your own personal playground, battleground, and final frontier.

MY BEAUTIFUL BODY, gratitude: day 4

Wow, that sounds pretty obnoxious and conceited, right? :) But my body IS beautiful!!! I've got two arms and two legs that both do what I ask them to do, my eyes and ears and mouth and mind all work in harmony, and my biggest concerns when it comes to my physical health these days is whether or not I like the way I look in my jeans. So many many people dont have that luxury. Just like a car that we dont truly appreciate until it breaks down, our body is a miraculous gift that functions and obeys our demands day in and day out with so much seeming ease that it is easy to forget how precious our health and mobility truly is until we dont have it.

I remember a season in my life, you know...one of those dark and sad and angry seasons where we justify our right to stew and marinate in our own ugly well of self-righteous depression and complicated emotions....and in this season I took up smoking. I never embraced it wholeheartedly, but I did use it to fill some very jagged tears and holes in my heart for a while. And I will tell you what made me stop...One day I was driving home from teaching dance, I was enjoying a smoke, and I saw a small, hunched over frame shuffling down the street. It was an old woman, her back permanently deformed into a small hunch back, and with great effort she slowly traveled as her whole body seemed weighted down into each tiny slow step she took. I saw how hard her load was and marveled at how blessed I was to be able to move my body freely and with ease. As I was mulling and sympathizing over the chasm of difference between my body's beautiful physical ability in juxtaposition to her restricted state I thanked God for the gift of this miracle body that could do so much and asked for so little. And right then, as smoke fumes filled my nostrils, I was hit with the overwhelming awareness of the hypocrisy of my state. Here I was, living in this amazing temple of physical blessings and yet I was slowly destroying it with every puff. I knew that one cigerette would not kill me, but in the greater sense I was keenly aware that as I was thanking God with my mouth I was tearing down the integrity of his gift with my actions. No one likes a liar and I decided that I wasn't going to lie to myself or to my clients or to the world as a hypocrite. I decided that day to consciously live in true gratitude with my body. I realized that my body would one day, like everything else, deteriorate, and that it was my responsibility to uphold and preserve and encourage the miracle that I had been given for as many days, weeks, months, or years that it was mine to steward. Every day is full of little choices to either build our body up or tear it down and whether it is smoking, or drinking, or over indulging in any matter of things, we have one body and we cant exchange it for a new one if we destroy the one we've got.

So yes, my body is beautiful. And so is yours! Even if you are suffering from an ailment or a physical handicap, your body is STILL a gift. Every day is an opportunity to take care of it, to nourish it, to move it, to thank the Creator who gave it to you by using it wisely and with loving intention. Your body is your transportation vehicle and although we might not all be driving through life in BMWs or Mercedes, if you have a body that moves, you are blessed. And regardless of its state, you are worthy. You are valid. You are important. And as part of who you are, although it is NOT who you are, your body is a gift that you have the opportunity and responsibility to cherish. So love it, enjoy it, and respect it. Today is a new day and a chance to see EVERYTHING with new eyes. Seize the opportunity to love yourself a little bit better today because we are never promised tomorrow. Today I choose to love this body, no matter what the scale says! I hope you will too.

GRATITUDE, DAY 3

So my thought for November was, "Why wait for one day to be grateful? Thanksgiving should happen ALL the time". I am striving to stir up my well of gratitude every day this month and I hope you will be inspired to do the same.  Today I am grateful for the love and the lessons of my dog, Layla. That four-legged beast has no idea the salvation she brought into my life that first day we met. She was just a scraggly, mal-nutritioned, slightly abused and neglected sack of bones at the time. I didn't even think she looked like a proper Siberian Husky. But after taking her in, even when life turned ugly, when my husband walked out the door, when I didn't know where we were going to live, and when I just couldn't tell anyone else how my heart was broken, she was there. Her soft eyes and scratchy tongue and warm paws gave me a kind of unconditional love that no one else could provide and through her basic needs for shelter and exercise and food she provided a structure and a discipline that somehow brought me into the best place of my life. By looking after her i rediscovered, in the oddest of ways, my family, my faith, my identity, and the love of a beautiful man. I could go on and on...but that four legged beast is really my four legged angel. She was God's gift to me over 5 years ago and even when I couldn't see it, God used the unthinkable and the slightest  and the silliest things to bring wisdom and order and peace to my life. Thank you God, and thank you Layla. What is your gratitude? It might not be the obvious, it might be a precious gem that lays just under the surface. Look all around you. The best gifts lay below our easy radar. My gift stands just under three feet tall and still likes to pull the leash. Go figure, but I wouldn't trade her for anything. :)

Just a Moment

We are never guaranteed any moment but the one that we are in. We are never promised tomorrow, or even later on today. When it comes to promises of "some other time" or "later on" or "when I get the chance", there is not much certitude that can be relied upon. All of the "should haves" and "could haves" and "would haves" dont mean a whole lot at the end of the day and definitely dont carry much weight at the the true end of your days....So here's a thought: why not live each day with the intention and passion and gusto as if it were your last? Because one day, my friends, regardless of how you feel about the subject, one day it will be your last. Go out with a bang, not a whimper. Love is the stomping ground of the warriors. Compassion brings peace. Hope is the blanket that everyone is desperate to have wrapped around them. And Faith, though often discarded, is the shield that protects and defends. We all know that each moment carries with it an inherent choice. And today, my friends, today I pray that I am wise enough to  choose Love in each moment. And in that choice, no matter what else happens, I know that today will be a good day.

Someone shared a clip with you on Vimeo

You can watch it here:
http://vimeo.com/29965982

The Beat of Our Dream- Burning Man 2011 Rites of Passage http://vimeo.com/29965982 Dear friends, it is my great pleasure to invite you to view this beautiful vision of what the experience of Burning Man meant to me and so many others this last year. Written, shot, and edited by my angelic friend, Jaime Jhilmil Gianopoulos. This video is a gift of laughter and love and reflection. Enjoy. ~Christine Ivy, creator of Balance&Grace. About this video: "Written, Shot, Edited- Yours Truly Music- Bon Iver- Hinnom TX, Bon Iver- Holocene This is a video I created from the experience of my first burning man. It was such a life changing week that I will always keep in my heart. I wrote this poem the week before burning man. Channeled love. Burning man for me is a new vibration that I will always keep in my heart and when I need to...i can tap back in for love and healing at any time. Thank you to everyone who was a part of this dream. Love Letter to The Burn Swallowed by the crevasses of the dusty whiteness, a purity of particles to digest into the belly of her portal of creative forces, that gather together to create societies weaved through the energy of all who choose to open their hearts, to greet with smiles, to create a dream we commonly share. To be expressed as we are. To create worlds that represent our souls burning fires. The passions and seeds of the fruits that feed and nourish our souls. The ground, the wind, the dust glues our sweaty bodies together to create a melding of a world where landscapes appear to be a distant planet we have imagined while gazing at the stars. Where everything makes sense, where intentions are rules that rule a kingdom of the heart. Hats are our shade and luminescent colors are the pallets of our paintings. The strokes and brushes create us and when the dust storms arrive you are welcome. Always you are welcome. Time has no place and the space is your creation. Breath in the scorching air, exhale your dreams. Dance on your vibration and as you step up a step powered by the heart hold my hand as I gently hold hers, and shift like the dusty winds. Tornados of energetic integrity spitting gifts of love across the breeze. Please as you move through this cosmic sea, dance with grace. Take this place, this part of your heart and fertilize the world, leaving trails of light glittering like the open night sky. I am the shooting star I wish upon. Exploding vibrant forces and rhythms heard in the beat of the earth, the beat of the heart, the beat of our dream. Love JL"

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LOVE,

More Than Words

"How are you doing?" is a phrase that we hear and repeat countless times. This is one of the most asked   questions with one of the most dismissed answers encountered on a daily basis. We have all been guilty of using this colloquium as an ice-breaker to start a conversation. I must admit that there have been times that I have asked the question without expecting honest and full disclosure.  And yet how many times have we all felt the sting of wanting to scream out the answer when nobody was asking and, worse yet, when we were being asked the words without any intention behind it. To dismiss the weight of an honest answer can feel as dismissive as a rejection of the person sharing their truth. This might be the reason we usually respond to this casually used question with such routine lines as, "I'm great", instead of saying, "My life has never sucked more than it does right now".  And by flippantly allowing this false exchange to occur we all deepen the depths at which our authentic and beautifully flawed selves remain buried and ignored.

By the same token, when a person is going through a rough season, a rough day, maybe even just a rough moment, they don't need to use words to tell you they are feeling awful and fighting despair. The state of the soul is hard to hide and is usually as blatant as the clothes on their back. All it takes is a moment to visually listen to sense where people are in their journey. Maybe its bags under the eyes, perhaps an unusual slump in their steps, maybe a nervous anxiety in their jaw, perhaps a protective energy that feels heavy or dejected....whatever the signs, the body will never lie. The truth of who a person is and what they are feeling is always as accessible as a moment's consideration.

We  never have to ask, "How are you doing?", because if we would just slow down for a moment and look beyond our own harried lives and schedules the answer would be clear. If we really want to know how other people are doing, we don't have to use our words. We only need to use our eyes and the sensitivity of  the spirit. What we do with this information is another conversation entirely, and I will share my opinion on that at another time. But the thought I want to leave you with is this: We learn more about people in their silence then from their words. And my question to you is this: Why do we bother asking, 'how are you doing?', at times when we don't have the time or the interest in the real answer? Are we such creatures of habit that we cant decipher a better way to recognize each other? Thoughts, anyone? I'd love to find another way to greet people so that when we do ask people to share how they are doing the thought holds more weight. If we only ask when we really care to know the answer, the value of the response will be felt and in turn, the answer will become more honest. Honest answers = honest people = a more authentic life lived.

A Daily Choice

I saw a baby yesterday and I smiled to myself as I thought about having one of my own one day....which by itself is a shocking thought to those of you who know me already....but that's not the point of this post. The thought that stikes me are all of the reasons WHY having a mini-me is starting to sound appealing. I imagine that the thought of another blank slate encountering and conquering a beautiful, yet to be formed journey has something to do with it.  A pure, unencumbered life that hasn't yet learned the sting of the words "no" and "but" nor accepted the  awkward  barriers of  learned fear and bitter regret. But here's the thing....we already have a perpetual blank slate before us! Every morning is an opportunity to encounter and conquer a beautiful, yet to be determined 24 hour journey. Every morning we are blessed with chances to be better, stronger, kinder, loving, and authentic. We choose whether we dare to be different then yesterday...Whether we take chances, hear as well as listen, choose love over hate, and risk making fools out of ourselves. Dare to make every moment the kind you'd want for your children. Live the life you'd want for them. Make the choices you would challenge them to make.  You just might surprise yourself with the outcome.