My Dad's birthday is this weekend and its the most fitting time to hold him in remembrance, celebration, and gratitude. But although its the most obvious time to recognize a man who has endured the marathon of parenting two intense children and is still married after over thirty years, its not his birthday that has me thankful for him today. I'm grateful for his quiet commitment to keeping his head up high over the years no matter what dark season he was facing and I'm grateful that he allowed my brother and I the luxury of not knowing the sting of struggle as he allowed us to grow up in a warm home with full bellies and peaceful minds. He placed no dissuasion upon us when it came to our decisions to pursue creative professions and he allowed us to make those decisions freely. There was a time when i wished that he would have put more input into my life regarding some of my big life decisions but God knew better. He knew, and maybe my Dad did too, that such an insertion of authority would never have worked with a mule headed girl like me. God knew that my Dad would make the deepest contribution to my life by allowing my choices to run their course and by being ready to welcome me with open arms when I was ready to come back home. Thanks, Dad for letting me have my room back. And thanks for the silly welcome home sign that was waiting for me when I stepped back into that room after so many years. You may never know how much that sign meant to me at a time when nothing made sense and the only thing I felt was cold anger and sadness. That sign was amazing. So are you...
You know, its a funny role reversal experience to watch your parents age. For a very long time my Dad was one of the two imposing figures standing between me and freedom. But with time I'm seeing more and more of the little boy who is still at the heart of who my Dad is. With my own adulthood I can now more clearly see how my Dad has always done the best he could with the knowledge he had. And who can possibly do better then that?!?!
Dad, thank you for all the love and all the silliness and all the careful consideration. I'm blessed to have you in my life, Dad. Every time you refill my coffee mug and decorate the sugar plate with a carefully folded napkin I hear you saying, "I love you." Every time you see me struggling to carry an enormous load and you force me to let you carry more then you should I hear, "I love you". And every time you demand I, "pay the toll" with a kiss in the hall I hear, "I love you". Thank you, Dad for all the "I love yous". They mean more and more to me. I love you so very much. I love seeing you laugh. I love hearing joy in your voice. I get a kick watching you get a kick out of something. And between your corny jokes and ridiculous impersonations I am getting a clearer picture of the little boy that's still inside of you and I love that kid so much. He's one of the people I get the most excited to see and I hope he will come out to play more often. I love you, Big Bird. Happy Birthday. Today I am grateful for you.
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