20,000 Breaths, 20,000 Choices

Did you know that you take, on average, over 20,000 breaths a day? I'm willing to bet that most of us go through most days without thinking about how we are going to breathe, if the next breath will be there when we need it, and how we will have enough breath to get through  today and the next day. Most of us do not live in fear of not having the ability to breathe nor do we fear that our breath will run out. We trust, most of us without any anatomical knowledge of physiology, that our lungs have, do, and will  function without wavering. This is a faith we carry although most of us have never seen our own lungs with our own two eyes. Isn't that nutty? Aren't the workings of your heartbeat and lungs and other vital organs such a mystery? How life begins and how it ends are such wonders that I cannot comprehend them but I can marvel and be grateful....but back to the topic of breath.  I bring up the thought of breath because, as a Pilates instructor and life long student, I see the internal stress that people carry within them so heavily tied to their ability, or lack of ability, to breathe. Neck tension, small nervous tiny specks of a breath, shoulders held close to the ears as if to protect the mind, these are some of the tell tale signs of a person in dire need of finding their true ability to breathe. The worries of life choke out peoples capacity to take a full breath.  Full active breathing requires  not only a physical shift in approach but also a decision to let go of some sense of control, to push boundaries, to open the body and the mind to something larger, to recognize and release the stiffiling aspects of ones own psyche and persona.  When you take a full breath you connect to yourself and to the wonders of a  larger scenario on a wider scope.  And when you make a daily habit out of conscious active breathing you may find yourself starting to connect to people and situations and to the turmoil of life with a little bit more grace because you have begun to sense that everything and nothing is connected to the truth of who you are and that you are a marvel of your own. Your spirit is your true self and by the grace of God you are enough.  Everything else, even your body, will, at the end of your days, go back in the box. So why not allow yourself to enjoy more of your 20,000 breaths today with a sense of realization that marvelous and wonderful miracles are happening all around you and in you every second of every day and that the stresses of life are a burden we can adopt or deny because we have the power. We have the ability to change the way we breathe, we have the ability to change the way we live.

My Christmas Presents

So  yesterday was Christmas day, and I have got to say how lovely it was to focus on people and friendships and family instead of battling the distracting stress of the gnawing knowledge that I have spent too much money on too many presents that nobody really needed and that i couldn't really afford.  It might have been in part because of the economy that the gift exchanges in my circles were few and simple but I think that the simplicity of everything waswhat made it so special. It was deeply meaningful to be with my family in a time when i know many people are lonely or are missing loved ones who have passed on or who are battling illness in their lives. It reminded me of how fragile all of our connections to each other really are and how blessed we are for every day in which we are granted opportunity to relate to each other and to show love and support towards each other. My sweet boyfriend, my lovely sister, my older/younger brother, my momma bird, my dear dad, my boyfriends generous sister and his strong mother...these exquisite souls gave me such a gift yesterday. They gave me themselves. And it was wonderful.

Anyone feeling blue the week before Christmas?

Its Monday, many of us are feeling the pressure of Christmas upon us, some of us are off  of work, some of us are out of work, there is an entire demographic that hasn't had work for quite some time, and yet the twinkling lights and background music of almost every business site are telling us to , "Be Merry!", "Be Cheery!", "Be Bright!"....well....how can you be merry, cheery, and bright when you are out of a job? Where do you find a smile when you aren't able to stretch the muscles of your talents and abilities and feel the intrinsic reward of accomplishment and the extrinisc respect and compensation from society and your peers? Its a tough gig, my friends....and I don't suppouse that I know the right recipe to eradicate the kind of stress and depression many are feeling this season. But, I can suggest that we all take a heaping spoon of empathy and grace this week and start looking around to those who are less fortunate then we. If you are reading this blog then you are blessed beyond most other people's comprehension. If you are clothed and fed and warm, then you are blessed. And if you are feeling stuck and depressed, I am deeply sorry for your state and I know that its a small solace at the moment to know in your head that its a season from which you will find inevitable change. My heart is heavy for the burdened, and every burden is heavy to its owner. So, where ever you are this week, whatever your state of mind, consider looking around at the state of others and consider whether or not you might help them with their burden. Sometimes all it takes is realizing that the burden you bear is shared to eleviate the pressure of its weight upon your shoulders. My prayer today is for us to give each other grace and to be generous with our kindness. Its a bright season for some, its a dark season for many. But its also an opportunity to realize our own spiritual and emotional wealth and to share the gifts of the heart with not only others but ourselves. Be kind to your heart this week. Be generous to your soul. Pressures of life are mostly man made. You are beautiful, you are special, you are a gift to this world, and you are worthy of celebration. No matter your state, there is a beauty and a treasure within you that is unlike anyone elses. You are a gift to this time and place and in you lives the essence of Love. Take comfort , my friends, and, when opportunity presents itself, give yourself the gift of giving comfort in return.

Reflections

What are the moments that take your breath away? When you think about the times you have been the happiest, what do those moments look like? What are the ingredients for a happy memory? When I think about the greatest moments in my life they are based on relationships and interactions with others. I dont believe any of my material possessions have ever created a true lasting sense of joy or peace. Whilst creating opportunity for distraction and entertainment, things in and of themselves have never provided me belly aching laughter, tear inducing tenderness, or heart warming kindnessess. Those are the treasures that come the most intensely and truly from friends and family. I'm grateful for the people around me, the chance to be a part of this life, the small and stunningly poignant perspectives that each moment unveils when I slow down long enough to really see what is happening around me. At all times life is calling, love is waiting, truth is reaching out. And when I look, when I really experience the moments I am in instead of rushing through them en route to the next deadline, the next appointment, the next event....a mindblowing sense of peace and gratefulness overwhelms my being.  So in this busy month where we tend to feel stretched even more than usual I would encourage us all to practice looking at each moment with new eyes and to adopt the intention of experiencing what we are seeing and feeling and being in a fresh way. When you desire to see beauty it will reveal itself to you. When you look for opportunities to love you will find yourself loved. And when you slow down  you will find your blessings abounding.

DECEMBER IS UPON US!!!

Ahhhhh, December.....as a child it was all circle chains and paper nativities and homemade crafts that kids made and sold for a $1. The idea of a budget was a decade away from my thought process and I floated merrily along, intoxicated by the scent of fresh pine, through a month long parade of twinkling lights and chocolate fudge. I never checked my weight, the idea of not indulging in sugary delights and confectionery dreams was absurd, and money was something I mostly just played with during games of Monopoly. Fast forward two decades......instead of sighing with nostalgia the struggle to maintain sanity is more prevalent and with the advent of adulthood and budgets and economic woes and consumer pressures and the reality of life this month has become a much more difficult balancing act. But that's what we are all trying to do....find a little bit of balance in a world gone askew.

Beyond ideal aspirations to live in the space of authentic living,  I honestly just cant participate in the shopping hoopla like I've done in years past. And, like so many years before, I find myself obstinately holding onto my resolve and  refusing to start the panic stricken slide down the slippery slope of competitive gift giving that happens so easily. And the competition to give usually is within ourselves. We start the, "Well I bought this for Sally so I HAVE to buy this for Cindy but then Timmy will feel left out so I how can I not buy this for him too....." And THAT conversation is only as long as your address book is full. Whew,.....what a nightmare of a thought process. I know because I've done it almost every year since I've been saddled with the lovely signatures of young adulthood. I  know that we buy presents for our loved ones to show them how much we love them but....ummmmm....shouldn't they already know? Shouldn't our year long interactions with the truly close people in our lives let them know how precious they are to us? One day of over the top, stress inducing, checkbook deflating gift giving cant make amends for a year of distracted interactions, sparse attentions, little communication, and neglect. Its as if we feel that we can buy back all the time we should have, could have, would have given to each other with a brightly wrapped package. Well, I say "no!". No, you cant make up for the time lost with a shiny thing, and the stress we create for ourselves by purchasing items well beyond our means for someone who probably doesn't need it anyways only makes the true enjoyment of each other impossible on what is supposed to be one of the most enjoyable days of the year. Well , again, I say "NO!" to the Black Fridays and the mad shopping mall trips and the parking lot jams and the long lines and the insane pretending that somehow all the stress if worth it. Because its not.

 So I'm not playing the game this year. I'm just not buying into that hype. I live on a budget and the people I care about are going to know how much they mean to me not by what I give to them but by how I treat them. And if that means starting a greater habit of consideration for others this month that lasts all month and all next year long then I better hop to it. The gift of our time invested into the lives of others, with no strings attached, is the best gift you can possibly give. My amazing boyfriend threw a wonderful super duper late surprise birthday party for me the other night, four months AFTER my birthday. And you know what I remember the most about that night?  I remember all of the lovely faces of the people who took the TIME to come out on a cold winter evening to tell me with their presence that I mean something special in their hearts and that I am important to them. I will never forget who showed up. That is the gift that I will treasure. The interactions with people I love in a space of  compassion and affection is the best present I have ever received or given.  So....do yourself and your bank account a favor. This Christmas season, look around at the hustle and bustle and ask yourself  how you want to participate and even if you want to join the herd. Its not a bad thing to buy presents. If I  had the surplus income I would shower my family with things that they would enjoy. But I am encouraging all of us to re-center our focus onto the intentions and reasons we do what we do. With all of the everyday pressures that we feel why would we CHOOSE to add more stress to our lives. A return to some of the more simple enjoyments of childhood could benefit us all. A package can be bought, a heart must be given. And you alone have  the power to share that most wonderful gift in the way most true to who you are. Life, love, laughter. Money cant buy back any of those things. So good luck, friends. December is already in full swing and you have the power to decide how you want to dance through this month.

PRACTICING WHAT YOU PREACH, gratitude, day 30

As we round the bend and close the circle on this month's series of gratitude blogs I find it so fitting and slightly ironic that I woke up this morning struggling to practice what I've been loudly extolling from the soapbox. After having been in a long audition process for a commercial call in which I was put on avail (which means I've practically booked the gig but not quite or maybe not at all) I had my third callback yesterday. So of course I'm  thinking, "Great! I nailed it!" so I went in, did my thing for the casting director, and waited for the phone to ring....that was yesterday. My phone has only beeped with junk e-mails since. Now today I'm fully aware that my chances of booking this commercial are probably 50/50....and as time goes by this morning that balance is going to fall less and less in my favor. And so here I am, swallowing my own medicine and reminding myself to put things into perspective.  I don't know if I booked the job or not and I'm actively and verbally talking to myself in the bathroom, encouraging myself to remember that this outcome is just not that important. If I get the commercial that would feel awesome to my ego and my bank account. But if  the phone doesn't ring, then there is a bigger picture involved that I better be able to see. And that bigger picture is this: Sometimes our disappointments are gifts in and of themselves. Sometimes our failures must happen in order for somebody else to experience success. Sometimes those unanswered prayers are God's way of saving us from ourselves. And sometimes things just don't go our way so that our heads don't get bigger then our hearts. So yes, I REALLY would love for that phone to ring today. But the more I talk to you about it the less important it seems. Because if instead of gaining a commercial contract I gain a little bit more compassion, empathy, understanding, and wisdom, then I think the true success is mine anyways.

Thank you for sharing in this blog with me this last month. The practice of gratitude is a beautiful gift to yourself that I would encourage everyone to keep. I intend to maintain a gratitude journal outside of this blog, which I do hope you will continue to join me in,  because the inner peace that has seeped into my day just by living more fully in the present and with an open heart has been a tremendous gift to myself.  Give yourself the gift of seeing beyond the circumstances you are dealing with. Life is too short. I don't want to miss out on its beauty because my head was too full of the  cotton and cobwebs of bitterness and envy. We ALL are blessed. Start counting those blessings today. You will certainly be surprised at how much you really do have to be thankful for. I know that I am.

ANOTHER DAY, gratitude, day 29

I'm thankful that at the end of every  day there is time to pause, to reflect, to reconsider, to evaluate, to forgive, to anticipate, to muster courage. God was kind when He decided to give us one day at a time; 24 hours at a time in which to tackle, enjoy, endure, conquer, celebrate, and grieve. Even though I like to joke about needing more hours in the day,  I also realize that there have been days when I couldn't possibly have carried through for one more second. We have all been there. Those days when getting out of bed seemed an impossible chore, when stepping outside of your door took all the energy you had, when no one else knew the pain you were carrying behind your cracked and crooked smile....those are the days when God was the closest at hand ready to carry you to the end of that labored day and into rest.  By the same token, those days of celebration and jubilance are also made all the more joyful by the knowledge that they are just moments on top of a hill from which we all come down. I wouldn't appreciate my blessings if I had always had them. If I didn't experience sadness my joys could never taste as sweet. It is the darkness of my nights that allows me to welcome the morning with humility and gratitude. So I choose to be thankful, whatever my day brings, because God never gives us more then we can handle and He never leaves us alone.  As I finish my coffee and start to get ready to leave my home for unknown recipe of events, moments, interactions, opportunities, frustrations, choices, and deliberations, I find myself a little excited. Because here I go into another 24 hours....yesterday is gone, tomorrow isn't yet here, today is the time and here are the moments before me. Consciously choosing to live in the now makes today an adventure. I am thankful for this day, I realize that I only have so many, and I will do my best to not waste one moment of it.